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Bay Area Variety

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Little Johnny Is At It Again
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'

Here's the Punch!

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

You should review your bank statements for errors as soon as you receive it. Promptly report any problems, such as forged checks or calculation errors, to your bank. A short delay may cost you your legal rights.

For more general information about the law, check out my website. Click here for more.

Watch Out for Credit Card Checkout Fees

It may now cost you more to pay with a credit card. As part of $7.25 billion settlement between credit card issuers and merchants, merchants can now add on a surcharge if a customer uses a credit card. Customers in ten states will remain exempt from the additional surcharges, including those in New York, California, and Texas.

What does the swipe fee deal mean for you? Click here for more.

Health Insurance Exchanges Open Soon

Starting this fall, the way you buy health insurance will change. On October 1, 2013, the health insurance exchanges created by the Affordable Care Act will open for business. The exchanges will offer a choice of private insurance options for consumers. The federal government will provide assistance for middle and low income families.

Although open enrollment will begin this October, Americans will have until the end of the year to secure health insurance. Any Americans who aren't covered on January 1, 2014 will be in violation of the law.

What do you need to know about health insurance exchanges? Check out this Q&A! Click here for more.

Two Old Guys Two Old Guys
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Two old guys talking.
First guy said to the other, "My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".

Other guy, "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV What a great gift!"

and the punch...

The Prayer
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta,

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man.
Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength.

and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

If you are receiving emails that appear to be from Paypal a bank or a credit card company telling you about "a recent charge to your account," ignore them. Do not click on any link to verify your account or dispute the charge. If you want to check with your credit card company, the phone number is on your card. If you think the notice may be real, wait until you receive your credit card bill and then dispute it. These are scams designed to get your private information.

For more general information about the law, check out my website. Click here for more.

FAA Grounds Boeing Dreamliner 787

After a series of startling events, the Federal Aviation Administration has ordered the grounding of all Boeing Dreamliner 787 aircraft. Currently, United Airlines is the only US carrier flying the Dreamliner 787.

The move comes after an All Nippon Airways (ANA) Dreamliner 787 was forced to make an emergency landing when battery problem caused smoke to enter the cockpit an hour into a flight. The FAA is requiring Boeing to identify and fix the problem before the aircraft can return to service.

Other recent problems with the Dreamliner 787 include a cracked windshield, fuel leaks, and other electronic system malfunctions and fires.
Click here for more.

The Dinner
Submtted by Carol Fjelsta

My wife hosted a dinner party for our family and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well.
All through dinner, my four-year-old niece sitting across from me - stared at me. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but, nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me.

and here's the punch...

Avoid The DUI
Submitted by Ann Hacker

I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving........

As you well know, some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before, I took a cab home. Here's the Punch!

NASA Johnson Style (Gangnam Style Parody)
Published on Dec 14, 2012 submitted by Mary Proudy

 

NASA Johnson Style is a volunteer outreach video project created by the students of NASA's Johnson Space Center. It was created as an educational parody of Psy's Gangnam Style. The lyrics and scenes in the video have been re-imagined in order to inform the public about the amazing work going on at NASA and the Johnson Space Center. There's More...

Get Your Zestival Tickets NowZ Krewe

Mardi Gras is right around the corner!
Get your tickets NOW for Z Krewe's Balcony Parties!
Our Zestival balcony parties are some of the premiere events during Mardi Gras Galveston!  And tickets are available online NOW!

Tickets are available for Friday night, February 8, and Saturday, February 9, 2013.  
The parties run from 6pm-midnight on Friday, and from noon-midnight on Saturday.  Tickets for Friday night are $75/person or $125 for a couple.  Saturday tickets are $125/person, or two for $200. Find Out More!

Nassau Bay Garden Club Decorates Tranquility Arbor

Nassau Bay Garden Club

Members and spouses of the Nassau Bay Garden Club gathered on Tuesday, November 27 at Howard L. Ward Park to decorate the arbor there with holiday lights and angels.

Tranquility Arbor, on the corner of Martinique Drive and Upper Bay Road in Nassau Bay, is the first garden area planted by the club in 1978. A couple of years later, the arbor was built and the club began decorating it for the winter holidays. Thirty-two years later, it's a group activity shared with friends and family over hot cider and cookies.

Glass Eye
Submitted by Bert Muston – Pasadena Strawberry Festival

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table...He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.' Here's the Punch...

Bay Area Welcome Neighbors Club

Bay Area Welcome Neighbors Club, a nonprofit social organization for women, meets the 3rd Thursday of each month at Bay Oaks Country Club for a luncheon and program. The club, established in1978, offers interest groups for members such as Bridge, Bunco, Dining Divas, Book Club, and Movies. . . to name a few.

For more information or to make a reservation for one of the monthly luncheons, please contact Joan Yarborough - editor.bawnc@gmail.com or 281.334.0644.

Marijuana Becomes Legal in Washington

In a move that highlights a shift in thinking throughout parts of the United States, marijuana became legal for recreational use in Washington state on Thursday at midnight. The legalization of marijuana in Washington hasn't come without controversy. The law explicitly forbids smoking marijuana outside of the privacy of one's home. Yet, many community members organized for a gathering at the Space Needle for a public smoke. The Seattle attorney issued a warning to the public, insisting that violators would be fined. However, the Seattle Police Department instructed its officers to only issue warnings.

City officials aren't the only ones not on the same page. Marijuana remains a Schedule I federally controlled substance, setting up a big potential legal showdown. The legalization of marijuana has a long history as a polarizing subject throughout the nation. As a result, the next step isn't completely clear.

To read about the legalization of marijuana in Washington, Click here for more.

Shop Around: Cutting Your Car Insurance

Car insurance can be very costly. Yet, when most consumers purchase car insurance, they simply forget about it. After-all, as long as coverage is complete and current, there's no need to bother with it, right?

Wrong!

Car insurance prices vary greatly. One insurance company may quote $3,000 for coverage, while another may quote $700 for the same coverage. In fact, it is quite common.

Take a look at your insurance premium. Then, make a few calls asking other companies how much they charge for the same coverage. If you really like your current insurance company, ask a representative if the company can match the best price.

You could be losing hundreds or thousands of dollars on insurance every year. Never leave money on the table. Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Don't assume you're anonymous. Web sites can track your browsing activities. Read the company's privacy policy before you type in any personal information. Look for opportunities to "opt-out" of letting the company send you marketing communications or share your personal information with others.

For more general information about the law, check out my website. Click here for more.

Apology Letters Holiday Lights
Submitted by Ann Hacker

His Apology to Her…
Hi Sweetheart, 
I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the hockey rink, I'll  be home later. Love you.

The Punch...

Health: Safely Eliminating Bed Bugs

Do you have bed bugs? If so, you probably already know how difficult it can be to get rid of them. In fact, it can be tempting to go to great lengths to get them out of your house. For some, the solution could be much worse than the potential bed bug bite. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, some consumers are using powerful insecticides in their homes to rid their furniture of the vile creatures. Unfortunately, usage of certain pesticides can lead to significant and potentially deadly health problems. Find out why! Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Why not give the gift of knowledge for the holidays. Pick up a copy of the new 8th edition of my book, "Know Your Rights!" It is available at most bookstores or from my website, Click here for more.

Rep. Davis Visits Dropout Prevention Program John Davis

Texas State Representative John Davis recently visited the Communities In Schools-Bay Area (CIS-Bay Area) dropout prevention program at Brookside Intermediate School in League City.

During the visit, Brookside Principal Deanna Daws gave Davis a tour of the campus and led a group in the discussion of current challenges of education and of CIS-Bay Area. For more information on the dropout prevention program, visit www.cisba.org.

Nassau Bay Garden Club Decorate Arbor

Members and spouses of the Nassau Bay Garden Club gathered on Tuesday, November 27 at Howard L. Ward Park to decorate the arbor there with holiday lights and angels. Tranquility Arbor, on the corner of Martinique Drive and Upper Bay Road in Nassau Bay, is the first garden area planted by the club in 1978. A couple of years later, the arbor was built and the club began decorating it for the winter holidays. Thirty-two years later, it's a group activity shared with friends and family over hot cider and cookies.

The $10 Bet
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?" "You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

And the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

You can sue in small claims court for as much as $10,000. But you cannot just "take less" to get into court. If you are owed $11,000, you can't sue in small claims court for only $10,000. Click here for more.

The Miracle of Pancakes
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small ‘privates’. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' Here's the Punch...

Google: Government Surveillance on Rise

According to Google, government surveillance is on the rise. In the first half of 2012, the United States government made 7,969 requests for user data, the most for any government. Google complied with about 90% of the requests. For the same period, there were 20,938 official worldwide user data requests. Keep in mind, this represents only the requests made to Google. Companies like Twitter, Facebook, and Yahoo! have not disclosed the number of official user data requests made by governments. Click here for more.

CFPB Targeting Elder Financial Abuse

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) has made detecting and addressing financial exploitation of the elderly a top priority. Financial abuse of the elderly is quite common, but there are a broad range of perpetrators. As a result, the CFPB insists collaboration is critical. What initiatives are already underway to address the issue? What new multi-faceted solution could the CFPB implement to resolve financial exploitation of the elderly? Click here for more.

The Driver’s License
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

A man was sitting on the lawn sunning and reading when he was startled by a late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him down on a lawn chair. "My goodness" he exclaimed, "you are quite old to be driving!" "Yes" the old gentleman replied, "In fact, I'm old enough that I don't need a license anymore."

"I've never heard of such a thing!" said the man. "Me neither," said the old timer, "But the last time I went to my doctor, he examined me, and asked if I had a drivers license. I told him yes and he asked to see it.

And the Punch...

USPS Reports Record Loss

The United States Postal Service is losing money. Just last year, the USPS posted a $5.1 billion loss. This year, the United States Postal Service posted a record loss of $15.9 billion.

It has been a rough year for the United States Postal Service. Long in serious financial trouble, the Postal Service defaulted on a number of its obligations for the first time in history.

How much longer can the USPS survive? Click here for more.

BP to Pay $4.5 Billion to Government

BP and the United States government have come to a settlement over the devastating 2010 oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. The record $4.5 billion fine includes $1.3 billion in criminal fines, $2.4 billion for the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation, $350 million for the National Academy of Sciences, and $500 million for the Securities and Exchange Commission. Last year, BP recorded a record $25.8 billion in profits.

In addition to the settlement, two BP employees have been indicted on charges of manslaughter, while a BP executive faces charges of lying to authorities. Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Federal law prohibits a debt collector from calling you at work, but only after he knows your employer prohibits such calls. If a debt collector calls you at work, let him know that your employer does not allow such calls and that you assume he will never call again. If the debt collector calls back, he has violated federal law and you could be entitled to a penalty of up to $1,000. Click here for more.

Disco Dancer
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing up a storm - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." and the punch...

Why Americans Can't Vote Online

Why can't you vote for the Presidential election online? After-all, many other countries already use the Internet to vote in elections with great effectiveness. The benefits for America could be huge. Younger, elderly, and disabled Americans would have greater access to the electoral process. Yet, it remains unlikely that a change could be made. According to election scholars, online elections are considered "culturally distasteful" and run a greater risk of hacker attacks.

What do you think? Would the Presidential election benefit from Internet voting? Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

It is illegal in Texas to charge more to someone who pays with a credit card. It is legal, however, to give a discount for cash. This discount is for the savings to the merchant who does not have to pay the fee that the credit card company charges (note: this law does not apply to governmental entities).

For more general information about the law, check out my website. Click here for more.

Mental Deficiency Test
Submitted by Mike Newell

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a young lady attended. The young lady took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked the young lady.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'' Here's the Punch...

Resource and Crisis Center of Galveston County

Being hurt is not a choice; healing from the pain is.
A friend of mine told me recently that the best form of justice for an abuse victim is to achieve personal success. Revenge is never a goal that one should dwell on, but I think it can fuel your fire for success.

When a woman, child or man is abused, it diminishes their self worth and so much more. An abuser intimidates and humiliates their victims, making them feel like they cannot achieve anything. Forms of emotional, physical and sexual abuse can trap a person. Read On...

Why Men Should Not Be Left Alone
Submitted by Paul Fjelsta

A group of guys got bored during hunting season and decided to play a prank.  Putting on moose heads these guys drove down the freeway watching and laughing at the reactions of other people on the freeway… and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Law-away is back, and more and more stores are advertising for your business. Before you sign-up with any business, read the contract. Texas does not have a law regulating how much you get back if you don’t complete your payments or what fees may be charged. How much it will cost you to use lay-away depends on the contract you sign. Click here for more.

Halloween Joke
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.

During the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!' and here's the punch...

FTC Settles Charges With Equifax

Equifax and its customers have agreed to pay $1.6 million to resolve Federal Trade Commission charges that they violated the FTC Act and the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA). According to the complaint, Equifax allegedly sold information about millions of consumers who were late on their mortgages to interested parties. Under the settlement, Equifax will pay $393,000, while Direct Lending Source will pay a $1,200,000 penalty. To read the full report, Click here for more.

Kolohe Hangs Ten

English Bulldogs are not known for their swimming skills;built very dense it is extremely hard for these sweet dogs to stay afloat for very long. So it was amazing to see my dad’s bulldog, Kolohe, take to the water to

 

readily. 

Kolohe, Hawaiian for Mischievous, is the sweetest most affectionate dog around and she absolutely loves the water.  Her favorite toy is her boogie board; a small plastic body board.  The second she sees someone bringing it out of storage she goes crazy, barking, running and circling around the backyard pool.  If you leave the board near the side of the pool she will push it with her nose and paws until she finally gets it into the pool herself. Check out the rest...

Your Money

How much will it cost to raise a child? Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

When you move from your apartment, be sure to give your landlord your forwarding address. Assuming you were current in your rent, Texas law gives your landlord 30 days to return your security deposit, but only if you left a forwarding address. To see your rights as a tenant, Click here for more.

Pinch My Nipples
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work the clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks, 'Ma'am what's wrong?' She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'

Once again this begins to draw an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?' and here's the punch...

Best Buy Plans to Battle Amazon for Price

Believe it or not, the holiday season is rapidly approaching. Every year, online retailers like Amazon.com compete with brick and mortar retailers for business. In many instances, consumers can enjoy significant savings by making their purchases online. As a result, businesses like Best Buy are struggling to turn a profit when consumers can simply turn to the Internet.

Not this year!

According to a report from ABC News, Best Buy plans to price match Amazon and other online retailers during the holiday season. If an item is out of stock, the store will offer free home delivery. Click here for more.

Your Money

How will taxes and inflation affect your savings? Click here for more.

Honesty
Submitted by Mike Newell

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

I do, too; especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.  She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

And here's the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

More and more stores are again using lay-away to let you make weekly payments. But be careful, Texas has no law regulating lay-away. Read your contract carefully before you sign. Be sure to check how much money you will get back if you change your mind and don't make all your payments. Click here for more.

Drunk In A Bar
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says....................here's the punch!

Pennsylvania Judge Blocks Voter ID Law

Last March, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett signed a voter identification requirement into law. Expected to be rule of law in the upcoming November elections, it was quickly challenged by various groups, including the Homeless Advocacy Project and League of Women Voters.

This week, a Pennsylvania judge ruled to block enforcement of the law on the grounds that the changes occurred too close to the November elections, leaving in question whether there was appropriate time to allow for liberal access to voting.

With several states eyeing Voter ID requirements, what impact will the Pennsylvania ruling have on the future of ID laws? Click here for more.

Lost Luggage
Submitted by Mike Newell

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. and the punch...

CFPB: AmEx to Pay $85M to Cardholders

According to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, approximately 250,000 consumers will share in a $85 million refund as a part of a settlement with American Express. According to CFPB Director Richard Cordray, American Express engaged in deceptive practices from 2003 to 2012 at every stage of the consumer experience. Violations include consumers who were deceived to believe that they would receive a $300 bonus if they signed up for the "Blue Sky" credit card, charged unlawful late fees, and unlawfully discriminated against on the basis of age.

As part of the settlement, American Express has agreed to end the illegal practices, make a full repayment to consumers, inform consumers of debt collection rights, offer up to independent audit, and pay a civil fine of $27.5 million.

To read about the latest win for consumers and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, Click here for more.

Swingers
Submitted by Don Dykstra of Clear Lake

They were both lying in bed at a swinger’s party.
Says one: “I still have to get used to this partner swapping business!”

Here's the Punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Most negative information stays on your credit report for seven years, a bankruptcy for ten. The time is not extended, however, when the debt is sold or assigned to a new person such as a debt collector. If a debt collector tries to "re-age" a debt, tell the credit bureau and demand they correct the incorrect information. Click here for more.

ATM Fees Up, Free Checking Down

According to an industry report issued earlier this week, average ATM fees have risen to a record high of $4.07 per transaction (for using a competitors ATM). Additionally, only 39% of banks now offer free checking. Three years ago, 76% of the major banks offered free checking.

So, what's with the sudden changes?

Banks are likely responding to new federal regulations governing overdraft fees and debit card swipe fees, looking for replacement revenue.

Find out how you can still avoid fees and bank for free! Click here for more.

Comparing Health Insurance Plans

A good insurance plan can save you a lot of time and money. This year, the National Committee for Quality Assurance (NCQA) has ranked 474 private plans, 395 Medicare Advantage plans, and 115 Medicaid HMOs. Find out how they rank! Click here for more.

Why Men Should Not Write Advice Columns
Shamelessly submitted by Mike Newell

Dear John,
I am 32 and my husband is 34 years old.  Recently my car stalled then broke down about a mile from my house, on my way to work.  I had to walk back home because my husband couldn’t hear the phone ring.  When I got home I found my husband in bed with our neighbor’s 19 year old daughter.  He will not go to counseling so I need your advice.  Sheila

Here's the punchline...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Have you ever had a family law, wills, or landlord/tenant question? Are you being harassed by a debt collector, stuck with a lemon or interested in starting a business? These are just some of the legal topics taught at the People’s Law School! The People's Law school is a free program focused on sharing information with the public about their legal rights and the role these rights play in their daily lives. More than 50,000 people have attended classes at the People’s Law School, taught by volunteer judges, lawyers and law professors.

The People's Law School will take place Saturday, September 29th at the University of Houston Law Center.

Although the People's Law School is free, you must register to attend! To register, visit http://www.law.uh.edu/peopleslaw/ See you there! Richard

Robocall Complaints on the Rise

Is the federal "Do Not Call" registry actually working? According to many consumers, it is not. Recently, pre-recorded robocalls, pitching everything from low interest rate credit cards to home improvement goods and services, have been on the rise. Despite many of the consumers asking for the calls to stop and registering their number with the "Do Not Call" registry, the calls continue to come in. By law, telemarketers are required to check the "Do Not Call" registry at least once every 31 days. Despite a dramatic increase in complaints, the FTC insists the "Do Not Call" registry is working. Do you agree?

If you want to file a complaint, contact the FTC at 888-382-1222 or http://www.ftc.gov.

Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

If you buy something and the contract has a clause that says you agree to arbitrate, you will not be allowed to sue and must file your claim with an arbitrator. Arbitration is often more expensive than a simple lawsuit, denies you the right to a jury trial [and the right to appeal], is not bound by traditional rules of procedure, and often precludes you from filing or joining a class action. To learn more about consumer arbitration, Click here for more.

It's Just Not Working
Submitted by Mike Taylor

The wife left a note on the fridge.........
"It's not working!! I just can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my Moms!"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........

and here's the punch...

The 4 Barrel Ramblers - (281) 332-9197 4 Barrel Ramblers

The Ramblers are back at the Coastal Crossing Restaurant in Alvin; you might remember the place as the Barbed Rose Burger Bar. The name has changed, but the fun times are the same.  Come out and enjoy some Blues, Rockabilly and Classic Rock; have a few brews and   some fun with the 4 Barrel Ramblers.  Check out our schedule below. Visit 4BarrelRamblers.com 

The Gigs:
Wed Sept 19th Hugh and Jeffs Fuel Bar Dickinson, TX
(Acoustic Duo)
Wed Oct 10 Coastal Crossing Patio 6-9p Alvin,TX
(formerly Barbed Rose Burger Bar)
Wed Nov 14 Coastal Crossing Patio 6-9p Alvin,TX
(formerly Barbed Rose Burger Bar)
Wed Dec 12 Coastal Crossing Patio 6-9p Alvin,TX
(formerly Barbed Rose Burger Bar)

Federal Reserve Acts to Boost Economy

With unemployment still high, the Federal Reserve decided it was time to take action. In addition to maintaining short-term interest rates near 0%, the Federal Reserve will also launch a bond-buying stimulus program. As part of the controversial program, the Fed will pick up $40 billion in mortgage-backed securities per month. Unlike previous programs, the Fed will have the flexibility to extend or retract the program based on the results it provides. The Fed expects to continue the program until unemployment improves.

According to numerous reports, the Fed took the unusual steps to spur economic growth only after it became clear that Congress was not going to step in.

Within moments of the announcement, stock prices hit a five year high. Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

An advanced directive, commonly called a "living will" gives you the right to make your own decisions regarding whether to die a natural death or be kept alive by artificial means after being diagnosed with a terminal condition. For a free copy, Click here for more.

The Resurrection
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?" One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said "Please tell us what the resurrection is".

The boy, so proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!" and the punch...

New Fuel Rules Set to Double Economy

On Tuesday, new fuel economy rules were introduced that will likely have a dramatic impact on the automobile industry. According to the new rules, car makers will be required to almost double today's standard for fuel economy by 2024. When the standard takes effect, cars and light trucks will be expected to run at 54.5 miles per gallon. The new rules are expected to add thousands of dollars to the cost of new vehicles. Regulators, however, point out that drivers will be spending much less on gas. Will the greater fuel economy be worth the increase in cost? Click here for more.

Horse Named Jenny

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him around the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied: "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket." The man then said' "When I was at the races last week JENNY was the name of the horse I bet on.' "The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious, upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

and here's why...

Your Money

How much self-employment tax will you pay? Click here for more.

Facebook Privacy Settings & Updates

With 955 million unique users, chances are high that you, or someone you know, uses Facebook. Today, we take a look at some important Facebook news and updates.

Facebook launched a new mobile application yesterday. The new mobile application is a complete rewrite, offering consumers a brand new alternative to the previous edition. According to reports, the new mobile app is significantly faster than previous editions.

Next time you conduct a search on Facebook, you may need to be careful what you click on. Why? Because Facebook will now include advertisements in the search results. For example, if you're looking for a Las Vegas hotel to "LIKE," a search will yield results for gambling applications. Remember, whenever you add an application on Facebook, you're allowing that company to extract some of your personal information.

Next time you log in to Facebook, make sure you take a moment to update your privacy settings. Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Texas generally does not allow your wages to be garnished, even if you are sued. The exceptions are debts for child support, student loans and certain taxes. Click here for more.

Shakey
Submitted by Chelsey DuPont

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Let me take care of it," said the shrink.
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?"

 

and here's the punch...

Lawsuit Alleges Travel Site Price Fixing

Have hotel prices seemed a little high recently? Two plaintiffs out of Iowa, represented by a Seattle a law firm, are alleging that several major hotel companies have been conspiring with travel websites to set a minimum room rate for consumers. The lawsuit, filed Monday in the U.S. District Court in San Francisco, primarily focuses on Hilton Hotels, Sheraton Hotels & Resorts, and Marriott International conspiring with Expedia, Travelocity, and Priceline. In essence, the lawsuit alleges that the sites offer only cosmetic differences with the same prices offered on every site, creating the illusion that consumers can spend time "researching" the Internet for good deals. Click here for more.

August Business Development Update
Submitted by Barbara Cutsinger

A publication of Bay Area Houston Economic Partnership, this issue will tell you about what new businesses are coming to our area. Check it out, click right here!

Google to Pay $22.5M for Privacy Charges

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is making companies live up to their privacy policies. According to the FTC, Google violated its own privacy policy when it "misrepresented to users of Apple Inc.’s Safari Internet browser that it would not place tracking 'cookies' or serve targeted ads to those users." After Google represented that it would not track users, Google specifically found ways to circumvent Safari's default cookie-blocking setting. As a result, Google must now pay $22.5 million to settle the FTC charges. Do you trust Google with your private information? Click here for more.

Romance
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. The Punch...

Problems With Credit Card Debt Collection

In the midst of the recent foreclosure crisis, investigators found that many of the foreclosures were based off fraudulent documents, incorrect information, and "robo-signing." Ultimately, the improper foreclosure practices prompted a multi-billion dollar settlement with the big banks. According to a report out of the New York Times, many credit card companies are now making the same mistakes. According to one judge, many of the collection suits rely on erroneous documents and incomplete records. In fact, he estimates that "roughly 90 percent of the credit card lawsuits are flawed and [the creditor] can’t prove the person owes the debt." Many credit card companies litigate bad debts in bulk. In most cases, the defendant doesn't appear, and the creditor is granted a default judgment. To read about the problems plaguing credit card collections, Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Always use a credit card when shopping online or by mail. Federal law allows you to refuse to pay the credit card bill if the goods are never delivered. Click here for more.

What’s In a Name?
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. Ironically, Picabo is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. Are you ready for this punch?

A Visit with Deborah Duncan | Deborah and the Jumbotron

Recently we had the opportunity to visit with Deborah Duncan. She is vivacious, energetic, creative and Girllll, she’s a hoot! Familiar with Deborah’s talents as a news anchor and a talk show hostwe were

 

pleasantly surprised to discover she is also a standup comedian and can really belt out the tunes. During our visit we captured some of Deborah’s talents and wanted to share…

Every singer, naturally, wants as much air time as possible and some will go to extremes to get that time.  Check out Deborah and the Jumbotron.

Texas Navy Squadron Formed In Seabrook

     Governor Rick Perry, Commander in Chief of the Texas Navy, has authorized a Texas Navy Squadron to be formed in Seabrook at Lakewood Yacht Club.  It is named the Sam Houston Squadron in honor of President Sam Houston, the first Commander in Chief of the original Texas Navy in 1836. Read on...

A Visit with Deborah Duncan | Deborah and Her Fitness Goal

 

Recently we had the opportunity to visit with Deborah Duncan. She is vivacious, energetic, creative, and Girllll, she’s a hoot! Familiar with Deborah’s talents as a news anchor and a talk show hostwe were pleasantly surprised to discover she is also a standup comedian and can really belt out the tunes. During our visit we captured some of Deborah’s talents and wanted to share…

Each of us that has started a workout routine has had fitness goals, Deborah is no different...well maybe, just a little. Check out Deborah and Her Fitness Goal.

The Box of Eggs
Submitted by Kathy Stoll

A woman on her death bed asks her husband to rush home and get a wooden box out from under their bed. The man returns home, gets the box out from under the bed and opens it to find 3 eggs and $7000.00 in cash. Here's the punch...

A Visit with Deborah Duncan | Deborah, Motherhood and the Grocery Cart

Recently we had the opportunity to visit with Deborah Duncan. She is vivacious, energetic, creative, and Girllll, she’s a hoot! Familiar with Deborah’s talents as a news anchor and a talk show hostwe were

 

pleasantly surprised to discover she is also a standup comedian and can really belt out the tunes. During our visit we captured some of Deborah’s talents and wanted to share…

Being a parent allows us to see the world differently than those that do not have children.  This is true through different aspects of life and especially true in the neighborhood grocery story.  Check out Deborah, Motherhood and the Grocery Cart.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Are you being unlawfully threatened or harassed by a debt collector? In most states, taping his telephone conversations is legal, and good proof that he has violated the law. But be careful! If you record a conversation with someone in another state, you could be in serious trouble. When in doubt, consult an attorney. What's the law in your state? Click here for more.

Drug Co. Settles Overcharging Claims

The drug firm McKesson Corp. has agreed to pay $151 million in order to settle litigation brought by thirty states over overcharging claims. According to the lawsuit, McKesson inflated drug prices by 25 percent when reporting to First DataBank. First DataBank publishes pharmaceutical industry information and conducts drug pricing surveys used by drug insurers, including Medicaid, to set payment rates. In essence, McKesson is charged with manipulating drug prices to generate additional profits. The suit alleges that the practice cost state Medicaid programs millions. How will the settlement money be distributed? Click here for more.

NSA Wants to Hire Hackers

Gen. Keith Alexander, head of the National Security Agency (NSA), stopped by DefCon in Las Vegas last week to recruit new talent. DefCon is one of the largest hacker conventions in the world. This year, Alexander addressed the crowd of 16,000 hoping to find the "talent our nation needs to secure cyberspace." Will the unusual move prove beneficial for national security? Click here for more.

Golf Balls
Submitted by Mike Newell

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a Beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked.

and here's the punch...

Meet Jody HillJody Hill
By John Focke, Past Commodore of the Houston Yacht Club

"In 2006 when I was injured, lying on the hospital bed, in excruciating pain, unable to move my legs, at first all I was thinking about was that I would never be able to sail again,” said Jody Hill, Clear Lake resident and Houston Yacht Club Honorary Member. “My career as a yacht captain was over. The feeling of utter hopelessness was almost more than I could bear."

There's some more...

A Little Male Bashing
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Happy Couple
A couple is lying in bed and the man says, ‘I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world'
The woman replies, 'I will miss you’.

Hot Summer Day
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

A “lifetime warranty” is usually for the lifetime of the company. Carefully check out any company offering a lifetime warranty before you purchase. Click here for more.

Virus to Cause Internet Blackout

A malicious program, called DNSChanger, will be activated on hundreds of thousands of computers today. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the maleware will redirect infected computers to spoofed sites with malicious advertisements. Although most of the sites have already been shut down, infected computers will still be unable to reach the Internet. If you're reading this, your computer is probably OK. However, if you have a friend complaining about an Internet outage, tell him or her to check in to the "DNSChanger" maleware. Click here for more.

Security Loophole: Hackers Stealing BMWs

Do you own a BMW? A loophole in your car's security system allows hackers to easily access your car without activating the alarm or immobilizer. In fact, the whole process takes less than three minutes. Although the specific method of stealing the vehicle varies, most instances involve the usage of RF jammers to block the lock signal. Once inside, the thieves connect a device to the vehicle allowing them to generate a unique key fob digital ID. How does it work? Click here for more.

Harley-Davidson Facts
Submitted by Mike Newell

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ' Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?' God said, 'Ah, yes.' and here's the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Don't assume you're anonymous. Web sites can track your browsing activities. Read the companies e-business's privacy policy before you type in any personal information. Look for opportunities to "opt-out" of letting the company send you marketing communications or share your personal information with others. Click here for more.

Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving--Plan Ahead this Fourth of July to Save Lives

While celebrating our nation’s birthday should be a fun and festive event, all too often it turns tragic, as the Fourth of July is considered one of the deadliest times of the year on our nation’s roadways due to a rise in impaired driving.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, motor vehicle traffic crashes killed 392 people during the 2010 Fourth of July holiday period (6:00pm July 2- 5:59am July 6). Of those fatalities, 39 percent were in crashes that involved at least one driver ormotorcycle operator with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of .08 or higher. Tragically, 46 percent of the alcohol-impaired driving fatalities were 18 to 34 years old. Read on...

Affordable Care Act: Consumers Set to Receive $1B in Health Care Rebates

This year, 12.8 million Americans will receive a total of $1 billion in rebates from health insurance companies. The rebates, averaging $151 per family, come from a provision of the Affordable Care Act that imposes a penalty on insurance companies that spend too much of the policyholders' premiums on profits instead of medical care. It is unclear whether the insurance companies will actually have to send out rebate checks. If the Supreme Court strikes down the entire act, consumers are unlikely to see a dime. Click here for more.

Supreme Court Rules on Indecency Rules

Who do you have to thank for the latest case from the Supreme Court of the United States? Cher and Nicole Richie! The celebrities used profanities during network television appearances in 2002 and 2003 respectively, prompting the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to rule that the network (FOX) had violated indecency regulations. Despite the ruling, the FCC did not levy any fines against the network directly. ABC wasn't so lucky. In 2003, the network aired a segment on the show NYPD Blue that the FCC determined to be too scandalous. As a result, the FCC fined ABC and its affiliates $1.2 million. Both ABC and FOX took the FCC to court, arguing that they did not receive advance notice of standards before they were punished. A unanimous court accepted the argument and ruled in favor of the networks. According to Justice Kennedy, “the Commission failed to give Fox or ABC fair notice prior to the broadcasts in question that fleeting expletives and momentary nudity could be found actionably indecent." Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Don't ever click on a link in an email message from a financial institution. There are so many scams involving fake emails from banks, credit unions, credit card companies, and other types of lenders that my advice is to assume everything you receive is fake. If you think it might be genuine, call the institution to verify it. Click here for more.

Loud Sex, Quiet Sex
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Loud Sex
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.' and the punch...

Trip to EgyptStudents, Profs Offer Perspectives from Study Abroad Trip to Egypt

     Nine University of Houston-Clear Lake students and two faculty members just returned from a short-term study-abroad trip to Egypt. After spending the spring semester studying Egyptian politics, social life, the status of women, and the aftermath of the January 25, 2011 Egyptian Revolution, the UH-Clear Lake group spent 12 days traveling throughout Egypt and exploring “Egypt in Transition.” there's more...

Sharing Wonders of Nature – Murmurations

Murmuration from Islands & Rivers on Vimeo


Submitted by Scott Fjelsta

No one knows why they do it. Yet each fall, thousands of starlings dance in the twilight above England and Scotland. The birds gather in shape-shifting flocks called murmurations, having migrated in the millions from Russia and Scandinavia to escape winter’s frigid bite. Scientists aren’t sure how they do it, either. The starlings' murmurations are manifestations of swarm intelligence, which in different contexts is practised by schools of fish, swarms of bees and colonies of ants. As far as I am aware, even complex algorithmic models haven’t yet explained the starlings’ aerobatics, which rely on the tiny birds' quicksilver reaction time of under 100 milliseconds to avoid aerial collisions—and predators—in the giant flock. read on...

Sex Calories
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

They say that during sex you burn off calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Be careful with financial information in your house. A large percentage of identity theft is committed by relatives and household employees. Don't leave credit card statements, bank statements, and social security information where anyone can see it. Click here for more.

Facebook Settles Suit for $10M

Starting in early 2011, Facebook allowed companies to pay to re-transmit ads from a user's page to his friend's pages based entirely on that user's preferences. Some Facebook users grouped together and sued Facebook for using their images for commercial activity. It now appears the two sides have come to an agreement. Under the settlement, $10 million will be given to charity. Will users get anything? Did you ever click on or LIKE "sponsored stories" on Facebook? Click here for more.

Hacked Companies Fight Back

Every day, it seems like another company is dealing with a major security problem. Sony, LinkedIn, and eHarmony are just a few of the recent sites to suffer devastating data leaks. Although many companies are simply frustrated with their inability to prevent hackers from accessing their systems, some companies are taking a proactive, but controversial, approach to dealing with the problem. Once a company detects a security breach, it can waste the hackers time with "fake" sensitive information. Once the hacker takes the "fake" files, a beacon will then install on the hackers own machine, allowing the company to track and identify the hacker's activity. Why is this approach so controversial? Is it legal? Click here for more.

Too Much PC
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Since it is longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Korean, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinean, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club. The bouncer said, and the punch...

Overdraft Fees on the Rise

Back in 2010, the Federal Reserve issued new rules for the banking industry that prohibited banks from imposing overdraft charges unless a customer had signed up for an overdraft program, while also limiting the amount of times a a customer can be charged overdraft fees. In order to make up for lost income, banks are now charging more for certain types of overdraft plans and imposing harsher penalties for minor lapses. In some cases, if a consumer doesn't pay the overdraft fee in a timely manner, a bank can charge that consumer extended overdraft penalty fees. In essence, overdraft penalties may only be getting worse. What can you do to protect yourself against outrageous overdraft penalties? Click here for more.

The Brothel
Submitted by Mike Newell

The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. 'May I help you, sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam. 'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs...After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada , which date back into the early 1800's. But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from? The man replied, ' Billings, Montana .' 'Really', she said. 'I have family in Billings.'

and the punch...

Hackers Access eHarmony Passwords

Last week, LinkedIn experienced a massive security breach, leaving 6.5 million passwords in the hands of Internet hackers. Mere hours later, popular Internet dating site eHarmony experienced a similar breach. Although approximately 1.5 million eHarmony passwords were compromised, eHarmony representatives have stated that the company has not received any reports of unauthorized account usage. Is your information safe? Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Never give someone "change" for a cashier's check. If someone offers to pay for something with a larger cashier's check and asks you for the difference in cash, it probably is a scam and the cashier's check is counterfeit. Remember, until a check is actually paid by the bank, it is nothing more than a worthless piece of paper. Click here for more.

Grocery Shopping
Submitted by Debbie Danyo

I went to a new grocery store this morning and there was a bit of confusion. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. and the punch...

Ad-Skipping DVR Sparks Lawsuit

If you're one of the many DVR users in the United States (or PVR for other parts of the world), you likely enjoy your shows commercial-free. How? Well, you pick up the remote and fast forward. A new technology by Dish Network, called "Auto Hop", allows consumers to automatically bypass commercials without the need to manually fast-forward. In a lawsuit against Dish Network, content providers CBS, FOX, and NBC insist distributors like Dish can't allow consumers to automatically bypass commercials, drawing a distinction between the automatic and "traditional" manual means of fast-forwarding. Consumers have skipped past commercials for years. Despite that, the networks insist that Dish Network has violated their copyrights by stripping away the commercials. How could this battle shape the future of television? Click here for more.

Winter in Minnesota
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota. She said that since early this morning the snow has been falling, is nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. John, her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. and here's the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

An Advanced Directive, commonly called a "living will" gives you the right to make your own decisions regarding whether to die a natural death or be kept alive by artificial means after being diagnosed with a terminal condition. For a free copy, Click here for more.

Family Robbed After Facebook Photo

At the end of last week, a 17 year old girl was helping her grandmother count her cash savings. The teenager snapped a picture of the cash and posted it to Facebook. Seven hours later, two armed buglers arrived at her family's home demanding to speak with the teenager about the cash. Thankfully no one was hurt, but authorities are sending a clear message...

Be smart!

Never post anything to Facebook or other social networking sites before considering the consequences. Click here for more.

Two Blondes and the Sod
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.

and the punch...

Many Americans Set to Lose Unemployment

Over 200,000 Americans will lose their unemployment benefits this week. Eight states, including California, Florida, Illinois, North Carolina, Colorado, Connecticut, Pennsylvania and Texas, will roll off the federal extended benefits program. An improving economy has helped reduce unemployment rates across the country, making fewer states eligible for the program. Twenty-five states have already left the program, with fifteen exiting just last month. What will the expiration of benefits mean for those still without employment? Click here for more.

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

In Texas, there is no wage garnishment except for child support, student loans and certain taxes. A debt collector's threat to garnish your wages when he cannot do so, for example for a credit card debt, violates Texas and federal debt collection laws. Click here for more.

Pre-Schoolers
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

My five-year old students are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

Facebook Users Don't Trust Advertisements

The most anticipated (and biggest) Internet IPO is on the horizon. Facebook will finally go public. Although the Internet behemoth is expected to start trading on the NASDAQ this Friday, May 18, the company still faces many hurdles in monetizing the brand. Although Facebook generates nearly all of its revenue though advertisements, an AP-CNBC poll found that 83% of Facebook users never (or almost never) click on ads. Why? They don't trust Facebook. Find out why. Click here for more.

Best Tips for Home Improvement

Are you planning a home makeover this summer? As part of National Home Improvement Month, Consumer Reports has compiled a list of important tips to help you around the house, in the kitchen, and in the bathroom. Before you start working on your house, make sure you're fully prepared. Click here for more.

Country Thinkin’
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard, is he here?"
"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

As a general rule an employer may not require an employee to take a lie detector test. The employee may be required to submit to a test, however, if the employer is investigating a theft and has a reasonable suspicion that the employee may have been involved. Click here for more.

It’s the Recall that is the Problem

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

and the punch...

Court Approves iPod Class Action Lawsuit

Do you own an iPod? Then you might be a part of a lawsuit against Apple. According to the lawsuit, Apple blocked other music services from uploading songs to the iPod, effectively eliminating competition and increasing demand for Apple products and services. The class action covers customers who purchased an Apple iPod between September 12, 2006 and March 31, 2009. To read about the class action, and for information on opting out, Click here for more.

The Best Way to Pray
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

In today’s society, knowing the law is essential. Whether it is dealing with a merchant, a landlord and employer or a neighbor, knowing the law can help avoid and resolve disputes. What’s the best way to learn about Texas law? Pick up a copy of my book, the 8th edition of KNOW YOUR RIGHTS, available at bookstores and online. Click here for more.

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
 
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again. the punch...

Taking A Shower
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

How To Shower Like A Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper sorted by lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.  If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Texas has a lemon law. It applies to new cars, and gives you substantial legal rights against the manufacturer. A car is a lemon if it has been in the shop four or more times for the same problems, or two or more times if the problem is a safety defect. Click here for more.

Bert & Margaret
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.' Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!' Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied. and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Do you purchase drugs online? If you do, you may have received a call from someone saying he is a DEA agent, and you are going to jail. Don't panic. This is a scam and you should avoid it. To read everything you need to know, Click here for more.

Lakewood Hires New Full-Time Sailing Director

Lakewood Yacht Club General Manager Terry Chapman has announced that the club has hired Marek Valasek as the new full-time Sailing Director/Head Coach effective May 14, 2012. Marek Valasek

 “Marek is a world-class sailor, winning a total of 7 National Championships for his home country of Slovakia in Optimists, Lasers and Finns during the 1980’s and 1990’s” Chapman remarked.  “As an elite coach and sailing director, he has had great success in developing yacht club sailing programs and coaching competitive racing teams and has acquired diversified experiences in directing and coordinating operations and staff.” read on...

Happy Birthday
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.
He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes.", he said. "How are you? You know,
you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked on the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon and the times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!" the punch...

April 21 | Galveston Bay Foundation Recruiting Water Monitors

Have you ever wondered what is going on in the water you live near and play in? Galveston Bay Foundation (GBF) is now recruiting volunteers for their monitoring team! We are looking for volunteers to sample the water throughout Clear Lake and Galveston Bay (including all sub-bays). See the flyer for more details

Visit to the Pharmacy
Submitted by Robin Stowe

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Have you ever had a family law, wills, or landlord/tenant question? Are you being harassed by a debt collector, stuck with a lemon or interested in starting a business? These are just some of the legal topics taught at the People’s Law School! The People's Law school is a free program focused on sharing information with the public about their legal rights and the role these rights play in their daily lives. More than 50,000 people have attended classes at the People’s Law School, taught by volunteer judges, lawyers and law professors. Although the People's Law School is free, you must register to attend. To register, Click here for more.

The Marriage Proposal
Submitted by Kathy Stoll

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." and the punch...

The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day

Do not open email attachments you do not expect or do not recognize. If you receive a notice about your account, order, bill, and you think it is an error or you may have a problem, go directly to the company's website or call them. If you get an email without a company name, ignore it. Click here for more.

Celibacy – Choice or Circumstances?
Submitted by Pam Pruneau

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “it is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other”. He then addressed the men. Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower? and the PUNCH...

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