Bay Area Variety
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Texas
Lovingly submitted by a Yankee with a lot of relatives in the South!
The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pickup truck and throwing it into a ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right above your hear?” “Yep”, he replied. “That’s why I am dumpin’ it right here, cause it says: ‘Fine for Dumping Garbage’. and the punch... |
Shelled Pecans Scholarship Fund
The Dickinson Chapter of Alpha Delta Kappa (a sorority of teachers) is selling shelled pecans (from Comanche, Texas) to raise money for a scholarship for DHS graduates. The shelled pecans are $12.00 a pound. All proceeds go to the scholarship fund. Please make checks payable to ADK…the North Galveston County Chamber has some in their office 218 FM 517 W Dickinson, TX. 77539 |
Catholic Birth Control
Submitted by Robin Stowe
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan
And didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' and the punch... |
Politically Incorrect Kids
TV casting call for Docu-Series for Major Cable Network: “POLITICALLY INCORRECT KIDS!!”
Do your children say the darndest things?
A major cable network and Emmy award-winning producers are now casting nationwide for parents and their children (5-13) for our new documentary-style series, “POLITICALLY INCORRECT KIDS.” We are looking for families with outgoing and expressive kids who are not ashamed to share their point of view with the world! there's more details... |
Making a Baby
Submitted by Mike Newell
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' and the punch... |
Dickinson Police Department Citizen’s Police Academy
Would you like to know what really goes on at the Dickinson Police Department? Would you like to meet the officers and see what they are really like? Do you have questions about what you see and hear that goes on in the community? If your answer is ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you are a candidate for the next Citizen’s Police Academy! read on... |
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My funny cat Max-Arthur and pit bull Sharky. This was so funny - I hope you enjoy it.
Let me know if you need help cleaning floors!!!
"Move - Get Out The Way!" Roomba Driver cat Bitch Slaps a Dog pit bull Sharky |
The Haircut
Submitted by Robin Stowe
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. and the punch... |
The Bike Tour
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. and the punch... |
| A Very Cool Video sent to us by Dennis Hart
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Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Wisconsin. It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.
Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he Told her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”
and the punch... |
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Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term or adverse effect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. and the punch... |
Galveston Island Battle of the Badges Puts on a Show
Written by Lt. Jorge Trevino 
After months of preparation, the long awaited night had finally arrived. Two dance groups were in separate dressing rooms preparing for their performances. A rappel master was inspecting the ceiling structure to insure that everything was still in order. In the meantime a Galveston Police motorcycle officer was pointing out that the convention center floor was a bit slippery and it would require extra caution on his part when maneuvering his motorcycle around. read on... |
Zestival Tickets Are On Sale Now!
Mardi Gras is right around the corner!
Get your tickets NOW for Z Krewe's Balcony Parties! Our Zestival balcony parties are some of the premiere events during Mardi Gras Galveston! And tickets are available online NOW!
Tickets are available for Friday night, February 17, and Saturday, February 18, 2012. more info... |
Oldie But Goodie
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.' and the punch... |
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Dedicated to those wonderful Red Hat Ladies
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. and the punch... |
Frozen Crabs & the Blonde Stewardess
Submitted by Eddie Harper
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of frozen crabs, and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded
to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. and the punch... |
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Ray stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner Roy asked,
'What the hell is taking so long?' and the punch... |
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The Junior League’s Beachside to Boardwalk Cookbook Offers Scrumptious Surprises
Let the Junior League of Galveston County, Inc. rescue your humdrum holiday dinner! Add a little gulf coast flair to your family’s feast with recipes from Culinary Classics from Beachside to Boardwalk, the League’s most recent cookbook. find out more... |
The Irish Funeral
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. and the punch... |
Two Polish Hunters
Submitted by Les Heinemann
Two Polish hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Alaskan wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the
plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.
The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us
take them both and he had exactly the same airplane as yours." and the punch... |
The Decision
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again... but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it".
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap ! It's roughly $1,000 an inch". and the punch... |
The Nooner
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A young Alabama farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner; it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. and the punch... |
Recruit Herman James
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. and the punch... |
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Submitted by Carol Sue Fjelsta
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked. "Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him. and the punch... |
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Have a B.Y.O.P. (Bring your own pumpkin) party this Halloween. Assemble a collection of items from your local craft store. Ask friends to decorate their pumpkins to resemble a TV personality, politician, or other celebrity. Recent magazines can inspire your guests to search for the perfect model.
A perfect recipe to reward your artists is Pork Tenderloin Guiseppina from Assistance League® of the Bay Area’s cookbook, Settings Sunrise to Sunset. (978-0-9668381-1-4, $27.95, Hardback 240 pages.) This beautiful dish can be placed in the oven when your guests arrive. find out more... |
The Best Way To Pray
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
and the punch... |
The Wedding Night
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
and the punch... |
Making Breakfast
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' and the punch... |
Elderly Sex
Submitted by Kim Chase
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' and the punch... |
Blogs, Books and Bacon
HOUSTON, TX, (September 1, 2011) – Print vs. Internet – are they doomed to be gridlocked in competition? Assistance League of the Bay Area has found a way to combine the two media formats to benefit the readers of their cookbooks and other Gulf Coast cooks. Visit a brand new blog, http://successfulsettings.wordpress.com/, and read first-hand accounts of home chefs who have prepared recipes from the books, Settings on the Dock of the Bay, (978-0-9668381-0-7, $22.95, Hardback 272 pages) and Settings Sunrise to Sunset (978-0-9668381-1-4, $27.95, Hardback 240 pages) read more... |
Four Worms In Church
Submited by Carol Fjelsta
A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil. and the punch... |
Male Logic
Submitted by Mike Newell
The following is perfectly logical to all males. A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later the husband returns home with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asked him, "Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?" here's the punch... |
The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day
When shopping be sure to keep an eye on the register. Don't assume that just because a product is scanned, the amount is correct. Scanners are not always properly programmed to include sales and special deals, and often make errors. Click here for more. |
Eve's Side Of The Story
Submitted by Robin Stowe
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going ?' inquired God.
'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem, it's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.' and the punch... |
Bubba and Johnny Ray
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Bubba and Johnny Ray were sittin' on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. "I'm gonna do dat when I win the lottery," said Bubba. "Do what?" asked Johnny Ray. here's the punch... |
The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day
Don't sign a contract to buy a car unless you are sure it is the car you want to purchase. Contrary to what many people believe, the law does not give you three days to change your mind. Once you sign, you are legally bound. Click here for more. |
Let’s Hear From The Camero Kid
Monday August 8 – David Strom Retirement Party
This last Saturday night, August 8, was a special evening for a very special person
David Strom Sr. Regional Manager of the O'Reilly Auto Parts. Becky Strom (David's wife) and the help of her family put together a retirement party fit for a king at their beautiful home. Most of you car folks that know David personally, know that this isn't just a guy who managed a bunch of stores, but a true Car Person like no other. read on... |
Two Elderly Women
submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car--both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. and the punch... |
The People’s Lawyer’s Tip of the Day
If you do not have a will, the law writes one for you. For example, if you are married and have children from another marriage, your children and their step-mother may share your property after your death. The best way to make sure your property goes to whom you want after your death is to have a will. A will can also avoid time and expense when it comes to probate. Click here for more. |
Menopause Jewelry
Submitted by Robin Stowe
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. and the punch... |
Car Show Report
Submitted by the Camaro Kid
As most of you already know, I was invited to the Onsted Kiwanis Show Car Nationals at the Michigan International Speedway on July 16th 2011. I was thinking that this would be a great opportunity to get away from all this heat that we were having down here, rekindle some family ties and kick some tires on some Classic Cars that I’ve never seen before. After pulling into my brother Tom & Gayla’s house in St. Louis (1374 miles door to door), the heat that I had left behind followed me to Michigan within three days and stayed until my return home to Texas. more... |
The Popsicle
Submitted by Robin Stowe
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. and the punch... |
Sopapilla Cheesecake 
I was turned unto this recipe by Sofia Garcia (my spin buddy) while at our annual New Year’s Progressive Drink and Dine here in the Oaks of Clear Creek Hood. ENJOY my First Men Who Cook Dessert! check out the rest...
Check out the Men Who Cook Event coming up on July 28th, 2011 |
Bay Area Sailors Compete in C. Thomas Clagett, Jr. Memorial Clinic & Regatta – Bay Area & Beyond
August 20 – 23, four bay area sailors will participate in the C. Thomas Clagett, Jr. Memorial Clinic & Regatta which will be held in Newport, Rhode Island. Karen Penrose and David Atkinson, both visually impaired will participate in this unique experience with assistance from Jim O'Loughlin on Jib Trim and Scott Tuma on Mainsail Trim and as the ‘Talker’. more information... |
Patton and the Band-Aids
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
and the punch... |
Underwear Dust
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' and the punch... |
Free Sex
Submitted by Robin Stowe
A gas station owner near Camden, Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,"You were close! The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
and the punch... |
Drowning Does Not Look Like Drowning
Submitted by Jim Erdman
The new captain jumped from the deck, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the couple swimming between their anchored sport fisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine, what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners.
Directly behind them, not ten feet away, their nine-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!” find out more... |
Deer Camp
Submitted by Robin Stowe
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob,
because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of
them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning
with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and
watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn.
In the morning. same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. and the punch... |
The Funeral Service
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! and the punch... |
Tap On The Shoulder
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A passenger in a taxi heading for the subway station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking
driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of
me." and the punch... |
It’s In The Bible
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' and the punch... |
Tell Me This Won't Happen To Us!!!
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..” and the punch... |
The Affects of Alcohol
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." and the punch... |
Turpentine vs Holy Water
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine.
He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.' and the punch... |
Three Old Ladies
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
These three old ladies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasther approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened
his trench coat.
and the punch... |
 The Importance of Being Earnest
My website looks awesome; isn't that all that matters? Well, maybe, but it's important to remember that there are lots of browsers, not just the one on your computer, and they render your site the way their developers intended, not necessarily they way you did. If your website can't be viewed on the majority of the available browsers, you may lose out on a lot of traffic. Oh yeah, and by the way, did you know that some of those web browsers never actually display an image? They are called Text-Only Browsers, and their sole job is to ... more... |
Bubba Had Shingles
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. and the punch... |
Little Larry
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. and the punch... |
The State Trooper
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Wisconsin State
Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book.
She said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball.' and the punch... |
Jumping On the Bed
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old" and the punch... |
Alligator Shoes
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. the punch... |
Build It And They Will Come
NOT!!! This adage definitely does not apply to your website which must be marketed or people simply won't know that it's there. Fortunately, marketing your website doesn't have to be expensive; however, it does need to become a part of everything you do.
Often businesses incorrectly assume that "search engine optimization" is the most important method of marketing their website and, as a result, wind up ignoring the obvious. In truth, website marketing should fall right in line with the marketing you are already doing, such as... more... |
POOF And The Light Goes Off
Submitted by someone that knows Eddie
Note: Resemblance to anyone in real life is purely coincidental
An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal.
The doctor says, "Eddie everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" and the punch... |
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected the 1 Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture" and the punch... |
Indian Mating Season
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo ! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?' The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us.' and the punch... |
A Guy Thing
Shamelessly Submitted by John Fjelsta
A man is sitting on the veranda with his wife and he says, “I love you.”
She asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?” the punch... |
The Irish Priest
Submitted by Carol McFjelsta
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty
wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?' and the punch... |
All the Leaves are Brown
One thing I spurn more than anything as I surf the web is sites that automatically blast me with audio, be it background music, talking characters, or a video. I may be deep in the middle of a teleconference with bigwigs all over the world, and "OOPS! Sorry guys!" as I click the back button to save myself from the inevitable silence on the other end of the phone. I wish there was a browser that would allow me to leave these sites off of my search results or that would flash a warning signal before I clicked in. Oh, ... more... |
Young Priest
Submitted by Carol Fjelsta
The elderly priest, speaking to the newly minted younger priest, said, "You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with the cushioned Captains' Chair theater seats. It's worked like a charm... the front of the church always fills first now."
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that Gospel Dixieland Band & Choir. Our services have not only packed the balcony but are now filling the basement."
and the punch... |
Marriage Counseling
Submitted by Paul Fjelsta
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had
endured over the course of their marriage. and the punch... |
Cletus and Billy Bob
Submitted by Mike Newell
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. and the punch... |
Fun read for all Texans, used-to-be Texans, adopted Texans or wanna-be Texans
Just Texas
Pep, Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530 there's more... |
Golf
Submitted by Scotty Corday
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf.
Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.
Naturally, the guys all agreed.
Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.'
With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first. and the punch ... |
Seal of Approval
In our last blog post, we discussed the importance of internal links and how they affect your website's Search Engine Optimization. So now, while we are on the subject of linking, it seems appropriate that we discuss the other links on your site, the external ones.
External links, by definition, are links to pages that are outside of your domain. Many SEO gurus believe the combination of your outgoing and incoming external links is the strongest factor in developing your search engine ranking power. more... |
The Navy Chief
Submitted by Robin Stowe
A crusty old Navy Chief found himself at a gala event
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the
Chief for conversation.
"Excuse me, Chief, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" and the punch... |
Husband Down
Submitted by Grover Huff
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. and the punch... |
Ol' Blue
A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says."How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course." and the punch... |
A Bit of Rye Humor
Submitted by Kim Chase
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." and the punch... |
The Boat Club 2011 Calendar on Sale Now!
The 2011 Boat Club Calendar sales will benefit the Galveston Bay Foundation (GBF) and the Clear Creek Environmental Foundation (CCEF). My name is Eddie Harper of www.Wiredin.cc and I shot the “Ladies of the Boat Club”. Wiredin.cc has seen firsthand how much work GBF and CCEF put into cleaning and protecting Galveston Bay and Clear Creek. there's more... |
Here’s a Valentine’s story for you........this is a real love story
Submitted by Eddie Harper
In 1984 I enlisted in the US Army. I spent basic training at Fort Knox and then on to Fort Lee in Virginia. After my training I shipped off to Hanua Germany just outside of Frankfurt. The job I had was a company supply clerk that kept me exempt from a lot of duties like guard and CQ (stuff that kept you up all night). I realized that if I did not have this job and since I was single I would be one of the lucky ones that got to pull guard and CQ (even on the weekends). the rest of the story... |
Three Ladies In A Sauna
Submitted by Paul Fjelsta
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting nude in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The first young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The other two women looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said, I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear.
When she finished, she explained, 'that was my mobile phone. i have a microchip in my hand.' and the punch... |
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Your website structure and internal links are two of the largest factors in Search Engine Optimization that are often overlooked despite the power they provide. It always amazes me to find that so few websites make use of the relevant information they have at their fingertips, that which is contained within their own pages.
So, as you begin designing your website structure, it is important to plan out your internal links, keeping in mind these important factors:
Site Navigation – Your site navigation consists of the navigational menus that are typically listed across the top or down the left side of your pages. more... |
